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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27550060">Too Much For One Spark To Bear</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_Siren/pseuds/Snow_Siren'>Snow_Siren</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Bumblebee Movie - Fandom, Transformers (Bay Movies), Transformers - All Media Types, Transformers Animated (2007), Transformers: Prime</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Allspark, Angst, Bumblebee (Movie 2018), Character Death, Crossing Timelines, Crying, Cybertronian Culture (Transformers), Death from Old Age, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fate &amp; Destiny, Fluff, Funerals, Gen, Grief/Mourning, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Immortality, Implied/Referenced Character Death, Post-Bumblebee (Movie 2018), Post-Cybertronian Civil War, Religion, lots of feels</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-11-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-18 03:19:35</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,120</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27550060</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Snow_Siren/pseuds/Snow_Siren</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Bumblebee has met so many humans over his lifetime. He's lost all of them. Optimus tries to help.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Bumblebee &amp; Charlie Watson, Bumblebee &amp; Optimus Prime, Bumblebee &amp; Rafael "Raf" Esquivel, Bumblebee &amp; Sam Witwicky, Bumblebee &amp; Sari Sumdac</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>75</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Too Much For One Spark To Bear</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>So I understand this makes no canonical sense timeline wise, but I tried to put them in a logical-ish order at least. I just like the idea of immortality really screwing with people, especially when's its common in your own species. Anyway, this plot wouldn't leave me alone so here it is. </p><p>In case you couldn't tell, I love human characters, and angst so this makes a lot of sense for me XD.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>There had been a lot of debate on where to hold her funeral. If her father had still been alive, Earth would’ve made the most sense. As it was, he had passed decades ago. Bumblebee had held her for hours when it happened. He was no stranger to humans dying, but Sari had been. So he had held her and let her cry. Now, so many years later, it was his turn to cry over her. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>A Cybertronian funeral had been the final decision. She may not have been born here, or grew up here, but she was one of them. Optimus, Bulkhead, Ratchet, Jazz, the Jetwins, and so many others were here in attendance. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Optimus had begun his speech. He was sure it was a fine one. Speeches were the bossbot’s specialty after all. Bumblebee would never know for sure though. He was too tuned out, just staring at her casket. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Her hair had turned grey. Her skin had become full of wrinkles. Seeing humans age never failed to amaze him. It happened so fast, not like them. They aged slow, so slow. There were bots in the room right now that were older than Earth and considered young. Humans just didn’t last long, even if they were partly Cybertronian. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And now, she’s with the AllSpark.” Optimus said, his voice breaking just a touch. He stepped back from the podium, and moved to the side. Walking over to the launchpad, he pressed the big red button and off shot her casket. She would spend the rest of eternity flying through space. Vaguely, Bee wondered if she would meet Prowl out there among the stars. After all, they both died too soon. “Till all are one.” Prime said in sendoff. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Till all are one.” The rest of the attendees echoed. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>The rest of the service went by in a blur. Everyone talked about the good times, the hard times, the funny times. For the first time in a long time, Bumblebee said nothing. He didn’t even notice when everyone else had left, leaving just him and Optimus in the service hall. He sat down next to him on the bench he was on. Bumblebee didn’t even remember how he got there. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I know this is rough for you, Bumblebee.” Optimus started. He opened his mouth to continue, but thought better of it. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I thought maybe because she was techno-organic…” Bumblebee murmured, not strong enough to finish the thought. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“A lot of us thought so too.” Optimus put a servo on his shoulder. “We’re in peacetime now. You don’t have to ever go back to Earth if you don’t want to.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bumblebee had thought about that. Honestly, in a way it was tempting. There was so much pain associated with that planet. The only reason there was that much pain though, was because there had been so much love. He knew he’d gravitate back one day. “Not for a while at least.” He looked at Optimus, and tried to give the bot a smile, but failed. “Listen, I’ll be fine. I’ve gone through this before ya know?” So many times. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Too many times.” For a moment they just stayed there together. Bee thought Optimus would leave him with his thoughts, but instead the Mech said, “I know we’ve all cared about the humans we’ve met, we’ve all mourned them, but...I know it hits you harder. You’ve had the most connections, the strongest connections, with so many of them. If you wanna talk…”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bumblebee took in a deep breath. “You’d think I’d have learned my lesson after Charlie.” Bee barked out a sad bit of laughter. He’d been so green when he first came to Earth. Lost and alone with no memory or voice, and this Earth girl decided to be kind to him. She took care of him. He had no idea back then how short their lives were. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She’d be long...passed by now huh?” Optimus asked. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh yeah. I uh…” Be paused. “I didn’t want to tell you at the time, we had so much going on with the war, but I had attended her funeral too.” Bee looked down and shook his head. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I had set up a ping so where if her name was mentioned on the internet I’d know.” Bee vented long and hard. “A lot of it was social media, ya know? She’d gotten real into it.” He laughed bitterly, “Ya know a few times she posted this picture of us, a polaroid as the humans called it, she’d digitally put it online saying ‘you never forget your first car’ with a little winky face emoji. It always made me laugh.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Had you talked to her, since...everything?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No. I couldn’t. I didn’t want to disrupt her life. But when I saw her obituary I….Optimus I had to.” Bee folded his hands in his lap, not daring to look at the bot.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You snuck out of the base for that, huh?” Optimus didn’t sound phased. “Did Sam know?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Primus, no. Tell him I had another human friend before him?” Bee laughed, slightly more genuine this time. “He’d never have been able to handle it.” The smile disappeared from his face, “But everyone had said she died young, ya know. She was forty something I think? Heart attack like her dad. So I didn’t get it ya know? That’s why I didn’t distance myself from Sam. I didn’t get it yet.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Sam didn’t die young though, Bee?” Optimus tried to console him. “He lived a long and healthy life. And that was with Decepticons after him the whole time. Cons you saved him from.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He still died young by our standards.” Bee took his hands off his lap and instead buried his face in them. “You know I’ve never been to a funeral for a Cybertronian that’s died because of anything other than a Decepticon? Never, not once. I know we can die of old age, but...it takes so much more time. We get so much more than them and I don’t understand why Primus would allow that.” Bee stomped his foot as if to spite the god that made up their planet. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He still loved having you as part of his life.” Optimus’ words were soft. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“And I loved being part of his. HIs wacky parents, the dogs, the girl drama, him freaking out.” Bee shook his head, trying to clear away the painfully happy memories. “I got so attached. I had to ask him what grey hair meant. I didn’t know at the time. It….was the most genuine conversation we had. He realized just how ancient we were by their standards when I was confused he was getting ‘old’ and I realized how little time they were granted when he told him his kids thought he was ancient.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“He still has living descendants right? You ever talk to them?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Not too much. I’ll get a message every now and then from younger ones. Apparently I’m a story that gets passed down. They see me as some sort of….mystical hero.” Bee groaned. He couldn’t blame them. They were no more than sparklings really but, it wasn’t the same. He wasn’t grandiose. He was just Sam’s friend. “I know that’s why you later assigned me to be Raf’s guardian.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Optimus flinched, confirming his theory. “It didn’t hurt that he could understand you.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, no it didn’t. But you knew he’d last the longest.” Bee sighed yet again. The ache in his spark only deepened thinking about Raf. The child that helped them save the world. The kid that made him feel whole again for just a moment in time. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I didn’t think you’d get hurt again, Bee.” Optimus’ voice broke again. Those kids had left a bigger mark on all of them than any of them cared to admit. It was why Arcee had left the team in the first place. She couldn’t handle it when she lost Jack, and that was just her first human. But Bumblebee, no he just had to keep coming back for more. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No, I know. I didn’t think I would either.” Bee sighed. “After we restored Cybertron and came back here I didn’t expect to go back to Earth. The first time I visited him I just thought I'd be a one off. Then I kept coming back because he was all alone. Everyone else that knew about us had died and he didn’t meet anyone else.” It was Bee’s turn to have a voice break. He swore he could feel his spark ripping in two at the memory. “I was with him when he….He wanted to go stargazing. I….his memory wasn’t very good anymore. He kept talking about Jack and Miko and Agent Fowler as if they were still alive. He even brought up the time Megatron nearly killed him as if it had just happened.” Bee was openly sobbing now. “I wanted to kill Megatron for that. He nearly killed a fragging kid. Raf, though, Raf just remembered it as a time I stood by him. He passed out in my hands, and ….There was no time to call an ambulance.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Bumblebee,” Optimus rubbed a hand down his back, trying to sooth him, “I had no idea.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>The two Mechs just sat there, Optimus letting him cry his spark out. When Bumblebee could finally breathe again, he vented long and hard before continuing. “I was so scared when Sari first started insisting on hanging out with us. I knew I couldn’t do it again. I tried to be Obnoxious, maybe make her leave. I couldn’t know a human like that again and lose them again, I can’t, Optimus.” The tears started fresh again. Optimus said nothing, just continued rubbing his back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bee expected him to tell him it’d be okay, or that he’d make it through this. Instead he stayed quiet. He was just there with him. “And then she was a bio-organic. I felt like I was safe, you know? I felt like it was finally safe to get close to another human. I thought she’d live like us.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“She lived for a very long time by their standards Bee. Nearly twice that of a normal human lifetime.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“That’s what made it so much worse. I didn’t notice the signs until it was too late. I was far too attached, and I knew this would happen again.” Bee was hyperventilating now, hardly able to get the words out, “But, but I just, when she would smile, and do stupid things with me, or mess with Ratchet or just be herself, I couldn;t shut her out. I couldn’t. I wasn’t strong enough to and I’m paying for it now.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You were strong to stay with her Bee. She loved you like a brother. She loved all of us, but you were her person. She needed you.” </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You know the worst part?” Bee sniffed. He didn’t wait for Optimus to answer before continuing. “I know, I just know, I’ll end up back on Earth somehow, and this will happen all over again.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“You don’t have to go back there, Bee” Optimus said. “You can stay right here, as long as you need.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Bee shook his head. Fate, Primus, the universe, something would drag him back there, he knew it. He would be hurt again. “Do you think they end up with the AllSpark too?” Even he was startled by his question. He wasn’t a theological bot, but the thought popped into his processor and out of his mouth before he could stop himself. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Well,” Optimus said, “Actually some humans think their afterlife and the AllSpark are the same thing. They think Sparks are the same as souls and it's just a different form.” Optimus hugged him tight. At first Bee didn’t react, too surprised by the motion. Optimus wasn’t much of a physical Mech. Once he grasped what was happening he embraced him right back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>They stayed like that so long another bot had to come by and awkwardly tell them that the service hall was closing and that they’d have to go outside if they still needed to pay their respects. They did so without a word.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Outside, Bee looked up, pinpointing the star that Earth orbited around. It was a unique star for a unique world full of unique people. As much as it tore his spark to shreds, he knew he wouldn’t stay away forever. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Optimus put his hand on his shoulder one more time. “I think they know you miss them. I think you’ll see them again one day.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“When all are one.” A sad smile spread on his face. He hoped his friend was right. </span>
</p><p> </p>
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